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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

‘Kind of a Cheap Shot’

Monologue | Aired Monday night on NBC: Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State.

According to the government, Rick Wagoner was forced to resign because of poor performance. That’s embarrassing. You run an organization that loses billions of dollars and then get fired by a guy who heads up an organization that loses trillions of dollars.

Here’s the part I find odd. Now, the government didn’t ask any of those Wall Street C.E.O.s to quit. Isn’t that kind of a double standard? I mean, if you build Cadillacs, you’re screwed. But if your chauffeur drives a Cadillac, you’re O.K. Whew!

And listen to this. I guess they’re going to, like, be in the car business. President Obama said the United States government will stand by your car’s warranty. Assuming, of course, the government is still around in five years.

No. But he said you can take that to the bank. Assuming your bank is still around.

And in a speech in Anchorage, Alaska, Sarah Palin took kind of a cheap shot at her former running mate, John McCain. She said she couldn’t find anyone to pray with during the campaign. She’s not the only one. Between Jesse Jackson and Reverend Wright, Obama couldn’t find anybody to pray with either.

And Republican Congressman Peter King says he’s very upset that Notre Dame, where he went to law school, is giving an honorary degree to President Obama, even though Obama is pro-choice. He said that giving Obama an honorary degree is putting him in an exalted position. Really? Isn’t he President of the United States? You think that little certificate from Notre Dame is going to push him right over the top?

Hey, Vin Diesel is on the show tonight, from “Fast & Furious.” Actually, in this new “Fast & Furious,” he is a little more eco-friendly. Like, he’s now Vin Biodiesel.

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